TS/TV/CD Love Blog - Because Of Your Uniqueness

As a transgender, we often find bridging the conversation gap at a gathering or party can be daunting. Our uniqueness can leave us open to ridicule and rejection. This fear can often lead to being afraid to step up and start a conversation.

Here are a few hints to help you bridge that conversation barrier:

• Open your dialogue with an invitation to conversation. Remember this is not an audition it’s simply an opening to engage a stranger in a few minutes of chatter. Don’t get fancy - dull, run of the mill openings work just fine. “Hi, my name is Philip” What you want to do is make contact and leave an opening for a conversation to start.
• Learn names and use them a few times. It will help you remember the name, and if you use it in a friendly way, you’ll be showing friendship to the person you are speaking to.
• Keep it light.  Did you know that people who have just met may break off eye contact often in order to soften the encounter.  I bet you thought they dropped their eyes because they’re embarrassed by your gender! If you met this person previously and have remembered the name, your next contact will be much more relaxed.
• Smile when you have eye contact and do a non-verbal hello. A silent “hello” when you haven’t met lays the groundwork for the first meeting. Later on, even two minutes later, you can come up and talk to them and have the stranger barrier lowered
• Be with a friend. Women know this. They network in pairs.  Men can do the same.  The safety and the friendship between two people who are comfortable with each other makes it more comfortable in turn for a third person to join. One of the best ways to talk to a stranger is to draw that person into a conversation. Also, when the new person is talking to your friend, you get a chance to watch how the new person in action.
• Offer food. It’s one of mankind’s oldest rituals - the sharing of food. Pass the nuts and chips. Men buy each other drinks.  It’s one of the best ways to get a conversation started.
• Flirtation just happens, so let it. If flirtation is forced it’s always a turn-off.  If it’s natural and real, it’s pleasant and not insulting. It’s just a flirtation.
• Tell your truth. Don’t “over-share.” No embarrassing secrets, please. Keep it light; you’ve just met. But stick to what ever is true for you in the here-and-now. You would be amazed at the sensitivity of most people’s bullshit detectors.
• Look over there! Most people are perfectly happy to share spectatorship, as a way of connecting with a new person. It takes you both off the spot. A straight-out you/me encounter is pretty intense. This is a way to be together for the first time, but less intensely.
• Be physically open. It really matters.  People respond instinctively to physical openness. Show your palms, show your face, show your throat. Stand close without crowding and smile expectantly. The other person will respond.

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